showers

for those of you who don't know already, i'm getting married august 1...only 3 weeks away, i know! so in true southern form, i've had a bajillion showers (really only 5 w/2 more to go, but if feels like more)! and if you've known me most of my life, you will remember me as the sister who always let my older sister, erin, talk for me. she alwyas carried the conversation, entertained, and was the life of the party. i, on the other hand, have always enjoyed sitting back and enjoying everyone else's conversations, contributing only when i have something to say. becoming a grown-up has forced me to entertain, carry on a conversation, etc., but my true self had much rather go to a party and watch.

so having said all of that, you can probably see my anxiety at the prospect of attending an event in honor of moi! the first shower i went to that consisted of mostly my mom's friends, i had to go to another room to catch my breath after the coursage was pinned on b/c i was having a bit of an anxiety attack...and these were mostly women i grew up with and loved!

there were several elements going on here: 1) being the bride, all of the attention is focused on me, and i don't know what to do with that 2) i'm very overwhelmed with the idea of people giving me lots of gifts, espeically in this economy - i'm not a good receiver 3) the first 2 things reiterated!

i was telling someone the other day, this whole shower experience has been such an unexpected learning process for me. what i thought would be a time of having to think of things to say for each gift, i instead was blown away at the very fact that they wanted to give me a gift in the first place. to add to this, people wanted to actually throw me a shower! i've been on the other end several times and loved doing it for people, but to be the one receiving it was a whole new thing! one lady who is in a prayer group with me, made all of the cakes (including my favorite cheesecake that takes a lot of time to make) for this past shower, and she wasn't even one of the hostesses! david has a lot of friends travelling from all over the u.s., even germany for this event...that's love!

this has been such a time to feel loved and to realize the importance of having a community of friends in our lives - and not just for the gifts they give ;) in looking at the service for the wedding, there's a part where the minister asks the congregation:

"will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your
power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?"

and the people say: "we will."

i love that our friends and family are there to support us through the whole engagement/wedding process, and they even vow to support us in the future too! anyway, thanks for loving us. we hope to see you august 1!

i cry out

this song has been going through my head all day:

I cry out for Your hand of mercy to heal me

I am weak and I need your love to heal me.

Oh Lord, my Rock, my strength in weakness

Come rescue me, oh Lord.

You are my hope, Your promise never fails me.

And my desire is to follow You forever.

For You are good, for You are good

For You are good to me

For You are good, for You are good

For You are good to me

when God ran

i'm always amazed by this story in Luke 15 and the reality it shows of God's attitude towards us. i think i've had many "lost son" moments and will probably have others, so thank you Lord that you truly do come to find me and when you do, you actually run to meet me!

11And he [Jesus] said, "There was a man who had two sons. 12And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.' And he divided his property between them. 13Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.

17"But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants."' 20And he arose and came to his father.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' 22But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.

susan boyle

i just watched the video of susan boyle's incredible performance for the first time and it almost brought me to tears - incredible! as annoyed as i was with the horrible way the crowd was treating her when she first walked onto the stage, i must say that i too saw her as a simple woman from scotland who was crying out for attention, and bless her heart! i had even heard how incredible she was and i still doubted.

the thing that annoyed me, though, was the reaction of everyone at the end. simon even said it, the whole crowd wanted her to do badly, but she blew them away. it made me wonder why we look at certain people and are ready to boo them and laugh at them, but then, if they do something wonderful, we're their biggest fans. i wanted to cry for her in that the only reason they liked her all of a sudden was because of the fact that she could sing beautifully, not because of who she is or even who she may be if they would only get to know her.

anyway, this whole bit of thinking made me think of my friend brooke campbell's song called, the sensitive. in it she says:

we must treat them carefully the ones who wear the world, inside their guts, it weighs so much. we must catch them tenderly for they cannot tell how hard they punch it already hurts so much

she goes on to say:

if their hearts break they can't be cool

and then:

put them in the rain and watch them dance.
on a stage and watch them shine
put them in pain, watch the color drain


it reminds me how everyone has the little kid inside that wants to shine on the stage, and how we as the crowd often put them in pain when we doubt, or critcize, or laugh.

it also reminds me of how God sees very differently than we see ourselves.

we are made in His image (genesis 1:27)
He chose us when He planned creation (ephesians 1:11-12)
we are fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14)
He knit us together in our mothers' womb (psalm 139:13)
His plan for our future has always been filled with hope (jeremiah 29:11)
we are His treasured possession (exodus 19:5)
He rejoices over us with singing (zephaniah 3:17)
He came to demonstrate that He is for us, not against us (romans 8:31)

so susan boyle, you go girl!

sweet preacher boy

jack is my nephew who is the boy of a 2 girls, one boy triplet set...i know, bless his heart! but if anyone can handle all of that estrogen, it's him. he's the sweetest, most thoughtful little boy i've ever known. even when he was a 2 yr. old, he would catch your eye and give you a look that made you want to melt...it was the look of pure love.

so the other day, when my sister called and left a message that she had a touching story to tell me about jack, i was not surprised. she said that his kindergarten teacher came to the house to do one of her yearly house visits with the kids to see what their home lives are like (apparently this is a new thing that kindergarten teachers do). so she was sitting on the floor talking to jack and his sisters about their family. they told her about everyone, including their dog dottie and their old cat emma. the teacher told them that she had 2 cats at one time, but they died and went to heaven.

so jack chimes in and says, "they went to heaven like david?"

the teacher looked at my sister questioningly and said, "yes, i guess they did like david."

jack said, "my daddy read to me about david. he said he lived a long time ago and he killed the giant. then he died and went to heaven with Jesus."

then he paused and got really serious and said, "you know, Jesus died on the cross for your sins."

erin said the teacher started to cry and said that was the most touching thing she had ever heard - that simple statement was all it took.

it's funny how we often make the gospel so complicated, when really it's so simple - Jesus died on the cross for our sins - period.

when you stop to really think about this statement, it's incredibly powerful and truly is good news. so in light of the fact that it is good friday, hear the good news that Jesus did die on the cross for your sins!

mockingbird

this past weekend, i got a chance to sit in on a couple of talks at the mockingbird conference in nyc... here are the talks, so good! And if you want to just read the mockingbird blog, go here.

still haven't found what i'm looking for

"now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known."

1 corinthians 3:12


I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes Im still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for...

how starbucks saved my life

i know you're probably thinking the title of this post is about me, but it's not. i was in barnes and noble today to "study", and happened upon the book, how starbucks changed my life. i picked it up b/c i worked at starbucks for about 2 years and i'll have to say that it's been one of my favorite jobs so far.

the book is about a man named michael gill, who got a job at starbucks after being fired from a prestigious advertising company. he actually grew up in a privileged home, went to yale, and was even in skull and bones...so he's not your typical barista. but what kept me reading it (and not studying) was how much his story was like mine - not the privileged, once successful ad exec. part, but the love he had for the people starbucks introduced him to.

working at starbucks isn't just a job...it's community. the psychologists & sociologists at starbucks were masters at getting people to believe in a bigger story. michael gill said it best in the book - that at starbucks, the customer doesn't always come first, but the employee (or partner as they like to refer to employees) comes first. they get the fact that customers pick up on the tone set by the employees. one of the things drilled into your head at starbucks is to make conversation with customers and remember their normal drink order. they understand that people really do want to go where everybody knows your name - or at least somebody knows your name. people are searching for a place of belonging. and really, i found that the more i conversed with customers and got to know them as they came in daily or weekly, the more i enjoyed going to work. it became not only a job, but a place where i went to see my friends and i think the feeling was mutual. we had customers who's spouse or child passed away, so we sent flowers and a card. it often went beyond the name and drink order - we were a part of each others' lives.

so gill's story reminded me of mine. he went there out of desperation, but ended up receiving the gift of friendship from the least expected. he's still working there in bronxville in ny and i hope to be able to go there meet him when i go!

remember

so growing up in the church, i've always known God, or at least knew about Him before I really knew Him. lately though, i've been talking to people - who i know love the Lord - who say that there are times that they don't believe He exists. at first this was disconcerting to me. i thought, what do you mean, you're a christian aren't you? but the more i think about it, the more i realize that there are times that i too don't believe that God is who He says He is.

when i'm going through a really hard time and I don't see Him doing anything...where is He? or i'm talking to someone who was molested as a child and said she cried out to God for it to stop, but the man kept molesting her - and then i see the scars on her arms from where she's attempted suicide many times...what?! or i pray over and over again for someone to be healed but don't see it...doesn't God want us to be whole?

this makes me think of the jewish people. i look at their history and see many times for them to say, you know, i'm not so sure that God is out there - slavery in egypt, 40 years in the desert, the holocaust, persecution, etc. so what made and makes them keep believing?

"be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery" deuteronomy 6:12

God reminds them over and over again, especially when they're down, or not believing in Him, he says: "I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of egypt." He knows how easily we forget who He is.

i love how easily i forget how i fish-tailed all over the road and said 'God help', and somehow my car landed being wedged b/t a light pole and a billboard pole, and then a fence stake came through the window and stopped inches in front of my friend's head - definitely God!

or how i wanted to go on a ski trip and my dad said we couldn't afford it...and then a check came in the mail (some kind of refund) for exactly the amount of the trip - needless to say, i went.

or when my heart was broken and i cried out to God and minutes later someone came up and randomly said exactly what i needed to hear. they didn't even know i was upset!

i think the jewish people are onto something with their tefillin. these are boxes filled with scripture about God delivering the jewish people out of the land of egypt - they wear them on their foreheads and wrists while praying. it is derived from these verses:

"And it shall be for a sign for you upon your hand, and for a memorial between your eyes, that the law of the LORD may be in your mouth; for with a strong hand did the LORD bring you out of Egypt" — Exodus 13:9

"And it shall be for a sign upon your hand, and as totafot between your eyes; for with a mighty hand did the LORD bring us forth out of Egypt" — Exodus 13:16

"And you shall bind them as a sign upon your arm, and they shall be as totafot between your eyes" — Deuteronomy 6:8

"You shall put these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall tie them for a sign upon your arm, and they shall be as totafot between your eyes" — Deuteronomy 11:18

i know this doesn't completely answer all questions of why or when or any of the other 'w' questions, but i do think it helps me to remember that God has worked in my life. i've seen Him and experienced Him doing things in me and around me, and therefore i can trust that He is there, and i can run to Him.

wow

kenyan villagers gathered around a tv to watch obama sworn into office

it's crazy to see the impact obama's presidency has on the rest of the world! see what the rest of the world was doing as obama was being sworn in here

he's got the whole world in his hands

matthew 6:25-34

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,

yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'

For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.



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love this!

2008 in review

what a year! so at the beginning of 2008, i decided to go to grad school to get my masters in social work. this involved getting accepted to the program, quitting my job (i actually did the latter first), finding a job in columbia, and moving to columbia. my old boss was incredibly great about me quitting, i found a job at the state treasurer's office, and i moved in with two incredible roommates (one being my cousin caroline - baker extrordinaire).

here's the story in pictures:

got accepted to the university of south carolina msw programleft my friends in charleston

moved in with some fabulous roommates

made some new friends in columbia

met a guy...and decided to keep him

and made all a's in my classes...how can it get better than all of that?! (except having to leave my dear friends in charleston that is)

lovin

i'm sure you've experienced this same thing, but in my life, when God is trying to get something through to me, it comes up over and over again until i finally get it - and then i forget and He has to show me all over again. thank goodness patience is one of His characteristics! anyway, i came home to summerville this weekend for a big heuer family dinner, which is always a blast. but i got in a little earlier than the supper, so i hung out with my parents, grandmother, and niece for a few hours before we had to go to the restaurant. i had already played with my niece, sophie, for a little bit, talking to her about school and her getting the "terrific kid" award, but i left her to go sit in the living room with my parents. about 30 minutes later, she came in, crawled onto my lap, put her arms around me tightly, and just sat there like that for at least a minute. i asked her what was wrong, since she usually does that when her feelings are hurt or she's upset, but she wouldn't say anything. i looked at my mom for help and she said something that really hit me - she said, 'she just wants some lovin.'

what a great picture of how we're wired - we just want some lovin. although i had told sophie how proud i was of her for getting terrific kid, and told her how great she was, that's not what mattered to her, she just wanted to be loved on, so she ran straight to the source of who she needed that love from. it made me realize that i don't often go straight to the source of the one person who can show me the love that i really need. i often search for it from friends and family, but since they're human, their love often fails me. only God can love the way 1 Corinthians 13 talks about:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

but i think my favorite picture of God's love is in song of solomon 2:4:

"He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love."

I heard someone talk about this verse that painted such a great picture. they said, here you are at this great banquet. there are rows and rows of tables with people chattering away, catching up with each other, women comparing dresses and probably comparing themselves to each other, men one upping each other with hunting or sport stories. and then God walks in. He comes over to where you're sitting and puts His banner over where you're sitting. He gets everyone's attention and says, "i just want to let everyone know that this woman (or man) right here is who i love, this is the one i love." there is no doubt as to how He feels about you. He is making it clear to you and everyone else - you are His and He loves you.

hopefully i'll be more like sophie - knowing what i need and where that need can be met, instead of trying to get to it through people or accomplishments. i want to always, constantly realize the banner that is over me and live out of that.

what a guy

i'm so proud of my friend, john caspian. he had an idea and went with it and little kids are all the better because of him. read more about him in Charleston's Skirt magazine here.

grady patterson, a former sc state treasurer, and his wife marjorie joined us today for our thanksgiving feast at work. i had heard a lot about him in my short time here, so i was looking forward to meeting him, but the more i was around him and his sweet wife, the more i liked him. he genuinely remembered the employees who had worked for him and there were lots of hugs and handshakes to go around. you could tell it was a real treat for him to see these people he had worked beside for so many years and the affection was returned. converse chellis, the current state treasurer, honored him and his time here with a speech that actually moved some people to tears.
but i think the thing that i loved most, was watching him and his wife, marjorie, interact with each other. they were so attuned to each other's needs and you could see the pride they had for each other as kind words were spoken about the other. i love to watch older couples interact, because their love for each other is so strong. all that they've gone through together in the course of their lives has built what they have today - which you can see in the photo above. it kind of reminded me of john and abigail adams in that they are true companions to each other.

in watching them today, i can only hope to have what they have one day. they seem like a class act and it was an honor to meet them!

on reading the bible, by rob sturdy

so, while i've only met rob sturdy once or twice, i do not visit his blog often, or really at all. however, when i visit my old pastor steve wood's blog, and he has quoted from him, i'm often compelled to quote what he's quoted, so maybe i should start reading his blog. anyway, rob sturdy is the rector of trinity episcopal church in myrtle beach, sc and here's what he wrote on reading the bible:

If you’ve ever visited my office you will have noticed fifty-five red and black volumes to the right of my computer on a bookshelf behind my desk. Those volumes are the American Edition of Martin Luther’s collected works. Of the fifty-five volumes, thirty are dedicated to Martin Luther’s verse by verse exposition of the Scriptures. Martin Luther’s commentary on Genesis alone is eight volumes long. Luther’s exposition of the Old and New Testaments fills literally hundreds of thousands of pages, so who better to turn to for help reading the Bible than this German theologian who dedicated so much of his life to understanding it?
First off all, let us start with some practicalities.
Luther would tell us first to buy a good translation that you can read and understand. One of Luther’s immediate goals was to translate the entire Bible into the language of the people. However, this did not simply mean that Luther translated the Hebrew to the German, but he translated the Hebrew into the popular German of the time so that it could be easily read by all. For modern day North America, I would recommend to you the ESV or NIV. Sadly, it might be time to hang up the ole’ King James Version until Elizabethan English makes a comeback.
Luther would also tell us to spend a lot of time in Scripture. It is said that Luther was so saturated in the language of the Bible that he often quoted it without even being conscious of it (Pelikan, Exegetical Writings, 49). Luther would be an advocate for spending hours upon hours in the Scriptures. Maybe you don’t have hours upon hours. Well, how much time do you have? Fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes? Don’t fritter them away by pushing the snooze button for thirty minutes. Get up early and get in the Scriptures. Let them saturate you.
Finally, Luther would say if you want to understand the Bible better you need to sit under the feet of a good preacher. Luther once said, “the church is not a pen-house but a mouth house!,” and also “Christ did not command the apostles to write, but only to preach.” Luther thought that one could read the Bible many times over and yet fail to understand it or apply it. But when it is was proclaimed by another, Spirit inspired insight, clarity and personal application followed.
So how did Luther read the Bible? Of the many things we could focus on, let us look at two that may help you as you read the Scriptures. These two things have typically been identified as “Law and Gospel.” To keep it simple, the “Law” is anything in Scripture that brings awareness of sin, fear of judgement, and affliction of conscience. The “Gospel” is anything in Scripture that causes us to trust in God to forgive sin, forego judgement, and relieve conscience. In Luther’s understanding, the passages that were “law” were meant to drive us to the promises of the “Gospel.”
Reading the “Law” For Luther the “Law” accomplishes many things, but I would like to hone in on what it does to the heart while we read Scripture. Luther writes on Romans
“The chief purpose of this letter is to break down, to pluck up, and to destroy all wisdom and righteousness of the flesh. This includes all the works which in the eyes of people or even in our own eyes may be great works. No matter whether these works are done with a sincere heart and min, this letter is to affirm and state and magnify sin, no matter how much someone insists that it does not exist” (LW vol. 25 pg 135).
Luther understood that as humans we have an aversion to recognizing sin in our life. We either cover it up or explain it away with weak justifications. That is why Scripture is so valuable. It magnifies the hidden sin in our life and shatters belief in our weak attempts at righteousness and justification. So what impact does this have on our reading of Scripture? When we come across a difficult and convicting passage ( Rom 3.9-18 for example) we do not seek to explain it away or say “that’s not me.” Rather, we apply that passage to our hearts and let it reveal our sinfulness in ways we had not previously imagined. In other words, we allow Scripture to magnify our sin, making it both real and known to us.
Reading the “Gospel” As the reality of sin in our life begins to dawn on us through those passages of Scripture that are “law”, we begin to become fearful before God and in despair over the reality of our sinful nature. It is at this point of fear and despair that we must intentionally turn our hearts to those passages of Scripture that Luther described as “Gospel.” Concerning this skill Luther writes:
“When I see that a man is sufficiently contrite, oppressed by the Law, terrified by sin, and thirsting for comfort, then it is time for me to take the Law and active (works) righteousness form his sight and to set forth before him, through the Gospel, the passive (faith) righteousness which excludes Moses AND the law and shows the promise of Christ, who came for the afflicted and sinners. Here a man is raised up again and gains hope.” (LW vol 26. pg 7).
How then does this affect the way we read Scripture? We must not let ourselves stop at the convicting passages and wallow in despair or set forth with a renewed sense of determination. Rather, as we read convicting passages of Scripture we must intentionally redirect our hearts to Christ on the cross and his saving righteousness. As we read Scripture and come across especially comforting passages (1 John 4.1-11 or the Doxology of Jude for example) then we must make a great effort to apply them to ourselves and appropriate them to our hearts. When I come across passages such as these I make a point to memorize them, so that when the knowledge of sin convicts me I might turn as quickly as possible to faith in Christ.
While by no means comprehensive, I believe these are a few of the things near and dear to the heart of Martin Luther and his study of the Bible. I hope they were a help to you!

matthew 7

7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

i love this passage b/c this is a passage where i can see my view of God change from the view i held of Him as a child and the view i now hold of Him. when i was younger, i memorized matthew 7:7 for bible school b/c i thought, what a great verse, God is kind of like a genie...my wish is His command! i think i actually told kids in my class this little nugget.

but now, i see it so differently. it's not about God granting us what we want, or even the good things He gives us. it's more about His delight in giving us good things; it pleases Him to give us good things. i think He delights even more in the fact that we've come to Him for it. i'm so blessed to have an earthly father who lives this for me. obviously he's not perfect and he's let me down before, but he loves it when i call him and ask him for help. it usually takes me a while to do that b/c i hate to have to ask him for it b/c i want to do it on my own, but when i finally do, he goes above and beyond to help me and give me whatever he can give me to help w/what i need. he just loves being able to provide the best for me b/c he loves me, and i'm confident in this.

so i don't know why i sometimes have a hard time a) asking God for something and b) believing that He'll give, not something adequate or standard, but the best for me. i think i sometimes feel that i haven't been living a life worthy of being able to ask Him for something, but in reality, He's already given me more than i'll ever be worthy of by dying on the cross. so, in much humility, i come before Him once again and remind myself, and Him, that He said to ask, so here i am asking. as i do it though, i'm always suprised at how overwhelmed i am by His immense love for me...and even more so when i see what He ends up doing. He never disappoints, but blows me away by His goodness everytime. sometimes it takes a while to see what He's doing, but in the end, it's always for my good.

ode to sweet tillie

well, this won't really be an ode b/c i don't really know how to write an ode, but i felt that i should pay tribute to the sweetest dog in the world, tillie jean, who has found a new home in pawleys island.
what can be said? she was the best of dogs, she was the worst of dogs - most people only saw the worst of dogs side, but she was my tillie and i'll miss her! here's to tillie!

beauty

the other day i went to a jewelry store downtown columbia to get a baby bracelet engraved for my friend's baby, georgia grace. i've never been a big jewelry person. the only jewelry i really wear are pearl earrings and my grandmother's old wedding band (on my right hand of course). but as i walked in, i was immediately overwhelmed with all of the gorgeous jewelry. i could barely talk to the guy at the counter because my eyes were drawn to the cases filled with pearls and diamonds, silver and gold - i definitely felt my heart swell up. after i gave him the bracelet and made arrangements, he took me around to show me some especially nice pieces, which i thought was funny b/c if he only knew how little i could really afford. he kept taking things out so i could try them on, so i felt that i really should oblige him that. anyway, it was definitely a nice way to spend my lunch hour.

as i left the store, though, i wondered why my heart responded the way it did - it wasn't lust b/c i didn't necessarily want to own any of it, i just wanted to look at it and take it in as much as possible. i read somewhere once that said since God created us to live with Him, and that this life is not our home, heaven is, of course we have a desire, craving even, for all that is exquisite and beautiful.

so as i was looking for which book i got this idea from, i found this quote by simone weil, a French philosopher who lived during world war 2. she said:

"there are only 2 things that pierce the human heart, beauty and affliction."

i was struck with how true this statement really is. i realized that my heart usually responds in the same way to both, one out of horror and sadness and one out of awe and delight. both grab me and cause me to stop and think about what i just saw and hopefully change me a little bit.

halloween

so halloween has never been one of my favorite holidays. although it isn't the holiest of days, the main reason i've never enjoyed it is b/c i don't like to be scared. i have a very vivid imagination, so if you give me a few scarey images, my mind runs with it and i won't be able to stay by myself for a week.

having said this, i was not really looking forward to halloween this year - i never really do - however, i was pleasantly suprised. friday night, i watched some classics, Nosferatu and Phantom of the Opera. We watched the old old silent version of both, which was interesting. i think b/c they were so old and silent, they weren't very scarey. i don't think i could've handled anything like Strangers or The Haunting!

saturday night my friend rachel invited me to a post-halloween party in northeast columbia. these people went all out on the decor...blood in the bathtub, body organs in the kitchen, any gross, gorey thing you can imagine. my favorite part of the night though was rachel's costume: she was bon qui qui from mad tv - hilarious! she was totally in character too, which made it even more hilarious. so she went around all night saying, "don't interrupt, rude!" and "i will cut you!" here's a photo of bon qui qui and me, the 50's housewife - i didn't have much time to prepare.

if you want to see the original bon qui qui at king burger, where they do it you way but don't get too crazy - here's the clip:

nonnah's

i have to confess that i've been a little stuck up when it came to nonnah's. nonnah's is a delightful dessert/art gallery in the vista area of downtown columbia. when i first moved here i was told that nonnah's is ok, but nothing compared to kaminsky's in charleston. although kaminsky's has a great atmosphere, none of the desserts have ever wowed me. so all this said, i pretty much just tossed aside the idea of ever going to nonnah's. well, for some reason i was craving dessert this past weekend, so i called my friends rachel and jessica and asked them if they wanted to go to nonnah's with me - like most girls, their answer was yes. after looking at the descriptions of all of the desserts, looking at the case several times, and even talking to the wait staff about each dessert, i finally decided on the praline apple pie. if you knew my family, you'd understand our love for pralines - i used to go for a run and come back down market street in charleston just so i could get a sample of pralines as my treat for running. so, the whole top crust was made of praline - amazing! and it came with ice cream, what more could you want? now, the atmosphere in the part where we were sitting was ok - i decided that the wallpaper was all wrong and that it needed to be painted a solid, warm color. but the other room was covered in art work since it is an art gallery after all, so it was much nicer.

anyway, i give nonnah's a 9 in my book for dessert places. maybe it would be a 10 if they painted that front room...maybe one of them will read this blog and take my advice!

home

as i was travelling back to charleston this past weekend, i was thinking about how columbia has finally become "home" to me. part of this is because i'm starting to settle in and part of it is because part of charleston has come to columbia.

as many people know, part of my day usually involves some time at starbucks, which means that i have developed some form of a relationship with most of the baristas in charleston. so when i came to columbia and walked into starbucks, who did i see but my starbucks friend caroline! then, a few weeks ago, i walked in and saw another starbucks friend, david! i feel like i'm just at one of my many starbucks in charleston when i see them!

another piece of charleston are my 2 good friends, caroline and jeremy. they moved here a year ago for jeremy's residency, and especially since i used to live with caroline, it feels like i'm at home when i see them - such a blessing! it's also nice to get to stay at their house sometimes when jeremy is on call...there's just something about staying at a house with a real family that feels more cozy!

and then again, my friend lyle, who used to practically live at one of my houses in charleston, moved here a few years ago for medical school. it's nice to revive old stories with him of the many shenanigans we used to get into - many of which involved potato guns, kidnapping, white wine and road trips (none of these together, but trouble still).

so i'm glad for God's grace in that He realized that being that this was my first move away from charleston, He provided me with many comforts from home to help with my transition. but, i'm starting to spread my wings a little more and establish some columbia only friends which makes me even more glad that i took the big leap - cause they're pretty great!

the snow is settling

so you know how with a snow globe, you shake it up and there's lots of excitement in that little glass globe for a little bit - all the snow is in the air (water really) and the scene just comes alive? that's how things felt when i first moved to columbia. little miss never lived away from the lowcountry had moved to the big city. everything was bright and shiney, and i was all caught up in the newness of things. well, the snow is now settling and i'm getting more of my bearings around here. though i'm still loving columbia and my new life here, the reality of things are setting in - like i have to study for school, and i need to figure out what ministry will look like for me, and i need (and want) to go deeper with my newfound friends - no more just meeting a whole bunch of random people, i need deeper relationships now. i'm especially aware of this now that my own family is not 30 minutes away - i'm now in need of an "urban family" as bridget jones so wittingly terms it. i know it takes time, and it's only been 4 months, but i'm more than ready to find my place of belonging.

the good bits

so i've been mulling over johnny mac's speech from last night and i've decided that he's not a ronald reagan - at least when it comes to making speeches. he has a good story and i like what he stands for, but he doesn't pass along the vision very well. however, he did have a great conclusion that i believe should quiet the public's whining and complaining. he says:

If you find faults with our country, make it a better one. If you're disappointed with the mistakes of government, join its ranks and work to correct them. Enlist in our armed forces. Become a teacher. Enter the ministry. Run for public office. Feed a hungry child. Teach an illiterate adult to read. Comfort the afflicted. Defend the rights of the oppressed. Our country will be the better, and you will be the happier. Because nothing brings greater happiness in life than to serve a cause greater than yourself.

he goes on to say:

I'm going to fight to make sure every American has every reason to thank God, as I thank Him: that I'm an American, a proud citizen of the greatest country on earth, and with hard work, strong faith and a little courage, great things are always within our reach. Fight with me. Fight with me. Fight for what's right for our country. Fight for the ideals and character of a free people. Fight for our children's future. Fight for justice and opportunity for all. Stand up to defend our country from its enemies. Stand up for each other; for beautiful, blessed, bountiful America. Stand up, stand up, stand up and fight. Nothing is inevitable here. We're Americans, and we never give up. We never quit. We never hide from history. We make history.

i love love love this! so many of us, myself included, depend on our government officials to make the changes we want to see happen. i realize that this is the reason we vote for them, but we have a responsibility too. we can't sit here and complain and then do nothing about it! we need to do something about the things we see wrong in our society, otherwise it's an endless cycle.

so well done mccain and i hope you are able to fight for us in washington - and hopefully we'll fight with you!

the feather

i don't think i've ever shared on here the events leading to my moving to columbia, so here you go. a few years ago, i was was walking along the beach frustrated with where i was in my life, feeling like i was doing nothing purposeful, asking God why He put me here if He's not going to use me?!!! now, i was only 23/24 at the time mind you, so i'm sure He chuckled to Himself at this point. anyway, i was telling Him broadly who i had a heart for, but i told Him that that was all i could give Him so He needed to let me know what He wanted to do with me. so while i was on this walk, i came across a huge gray feather and for some reason i felt like it was significant, so i picked it up and took it home with me. then, later that week, i was filling in for someone at another bank (i was a teller at the time) and a lady who came through the drive-thru gave me a peacock feather. i didn't know this woman, she just wanted to give it to me. so i went home and told my friend jean about these feathers and felt like there was some significance to them, but didn't know what. she said, i think you should read the book the dream giver by bruce wilkenson. so i did and it pretty much got the ball rolling. here's a synopsis of the book:

Part one is the Parable of the Dream Giver, the story of a Nobody named Ordinary who leaves the Land of Familiar to pursue his Big Dream. We all have been born with a Big Dream, a gift from the Dream Giver. Often we lose sight of that Big Dream, or crumble under obstacles that seem insurmountable.
Through this parable, Wilkinson walks us through the stages of living that Big Dream: embracing the Dream, leaving our Comfort Zone to pursue it, meeting discouraging Bullies along the way, entering a Wasteland of delays and disappointment that test our faith, finding Sanctuary where we solidify the purpose of our Big Dream, warring with Giants for the Dream Giver's honor, and finally thriving in the Land of Promise.

the "big dream" was accompanied by a feather. in the book, the nobodies who didn't pursue their dreams, their feathers rotted and went away. so, the feather was just kind of symbolic to me that God had given me dreams, i just needed to pursue them - start walking. i have to keep reminding myself that God can only steer a moving vehicle, so i started walking. when i hit a deadend, i turned around and either started over, or i just went a different direction - God taught me things through all of it.

still frustrated at knowing a little more of what i wanted to do, but not knowing how to do it, i was sharing with a friend/acquaintence one day at church and she said, "it sounds like you want to go into social work - specifically get your masters in social work." oh my gosh, it was like a lightbulb all of a sudden went off and i said, "yeah, you're right, that's what i want to do!"

so in the weeks and months following that conversation, i started the process of applying to grad school, finding a job, finding a place to live, etc. since many of my grand ideas change from week to week, there were definitely people who said, i won't believe it till i see kari packed and headed to columbia - this made me even more persistent b/c i knew this was right.

and here i am! now that i've actually started classes, i'm constantly getting ideas of what i could do and how i can do it, so i need to pray that God continues to set the path for me. but part of me feels like He's giving me liberty to do any of the ideas i have, i just need to do it! either way, more than ever, i'm realizing the importance of keeping my eyes on God, b/c as my friend caroline reminded me tonight, He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us - which means, only when we're filled up with Him and His power are we able to do the things beyond our own strength.

so there you go - that's how i got here. now everytime i see a feather on the ground i have to smile b/c i remember that God really does have a plan and He's not finished yet!

full of grace

i think i've honked my horn more since living in columbia than in the last ten years. it's not because i'm a super agressive driver, or that i'm mean, i actually have to honk to help other drivers out. here are some examples:

tonight on my way to class, a man, yes a man, sits at an intersection where no cars are coming either way. he's not looking for something in his car, he's not putting on make-up or talking on the phone, he's just sitting there looking both ways. so i honk to say "um, no cars are coming, you can go!" so he finally goes and drives like 5 mph - as my friend lee cunningham would say, seriously??!!!!

yesterday, a guy on a bicycle is beside me and i want to turn right on red. in charleston we all understand that as a cyclist, you either obey vehicle traffic rules or you yield to the driver. no, he gets out in the intersection to try to turn left, thereby blocking my way of turning right. so i honk at him and gesture that i want to turn right, can you please get out of my way. he throws his head back as if to say, silly silly girl!

i have other stories, but i think you get the point. so i'm finding that i have to help many columbia drivers out as i venture onto the columbia roads. but in all seriousness, i do think God may be trying to remind me about showing patience and grace to others, so i guess i should say thank you to the fine people of columbia for allowing God to use you!

"i'll be praying for you"

since i'm often incredibly bored at work, i sometimes entertain myself with the blog stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com. it's really funny and usually hits the nail on the head. Well one of the posts talked about how christians (especially ones in the south) will often end a conversation with "i'll be praying for you". i'm sure some of you actually do always pray for what you said you'd pray for, but i'm afraid that many of us, including myself at times, walk away and forget about praying for the person. some of us try to combat this with praying for the person immediately - which for me is often a quick hurried prayer just to say i did it.

so today, i was talking to my niece julianna, whom i've spoken of before, and this is how the conversation went - she knows what's going on:

julianna: i went to the doctor today

me: oh no, what's wrong?

julianna: i have white spots on my throat.

me: i'm sorry, does it hurt?

julianna: no. but pray for me

me: i will, i pray for you all the time

julianna: no, pray for me now!

so i prayed for her white spots on her throat right in front of moe's this afternoon, over the phone. maybe i'll start trying that with people who tell me they'll be praying for me from now on!

update on the trapper keepers

my friend olivia sent me a link showing the new, and i'm not sure if it's improved, trapper keepers!

it looks very similar, but i didn't see anything about a built in calculator - they need to work on this! anyway, if you would like to purchase one for $9 (what?!) you can visit here. since my parents are no longer paying for my school supplies, i think i'll just stick to my little spiral notebooks!

hmm, what do you think?

i'm not sure how i feel about the reading from today's my utmost for his highest. read it and tell me what you think.

What man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? —Matthew 7:9

The illustration of prayer that our Lord used here is one of a good child who is asking for something good. We talk about prayer as if God hears us regardless of what our relationship is to Him (seeMatthew 5:45 ). Never say that it is not God’s will to give you what you ask. Don’t faint and give up, but find out the reason you have not received; increase the intensity of your search and examine the evidence. Is your relationship right with your spouse, your children, and your fellow students? Are you a "good child" in those relationships? Do you have to say to the Lord, "I have been irritable and cross, but I still want spiritual blessings"? You cannot receive and will have to do without them until you have the attitude of a "good child."
We mistake defiance for devotion, arguing with God instead of surrendering. We refuse to look at the evidence that clearly indicates where we are wrong. Have I been asking God to give me money for something I want, while refusing to pay someone what I owe him? Have I been asking God for liberty while I am withholding it from someone who belongs to me? Have I refused to forgive someone, and have I been unkind to that person? Have I been living as God’s child among my relatives and friends? (see Matthew 7:12 ).
I am a child of God only by being born again, and as His child I am good only as I "walk in the light" ( 1 John 1:7 ). For most of us, prayer simply becomes some trivial religious expression, a matter of mystical and emotional fellowship with God. We are all good at producing spiritual fog that blinds our sight. But if we will search out and examine the evidence, we will see very clearly what is wrong— a friendship, an unpaid debt, or an improper attitude. There is no use praying unless we are living as children of God. Then Jesus says, regarding His children, "Everyone who asks receives . . ." ( Matthew 7:8 ).

part of me agrees. i know that often times sin can block what God wants to do in our lives...not that He can't do it, but He won't do it b/c He wants us to get rid of the junk. however, i've experienced Him giving me something when i've been the most selfish person in the world, or using me in a way i want to be used when i absolutely don't deserve it. that's grace right? i guess that's when He says "my ways are not your ways...."